Ask Sarita: Pleasure Beyond Porn

Sarita loves to answer your questions, so if there’s something you’d like her advice on, please email her and let her know if you are happy for it to be published (you can remain anonymous). Here she answers a question on: pleasure beyond porn.

Question

Dear Sarita

After reading an article on your website, I am sending this message to ask you for help. I am now almost 25 years old and I am struggling with premature ejaculation since I can remember. I “finish” practically in the moment I enter a woman, therefore I am not able to engage in a relationship. In order to fight my sexual weakness I have tried several methods including kegel exercises, acupuncture treatment, homeopathic pills, just to name a few, none of them helped at all.

Since my early teenager years I have been masturbating and watching pornography practically every day. Is there anything you can think of that might help in my case? Please tell me if there is, I would greatly appreciate it.

My best wishes to you,

Matthias

Answer

Hello Matthias,

When I read your email, I sense that the problem has probably been brought on by the porno with masturbation. Porno gives a very distorted and cerebral sexuality, which has nothing much to do with the reality of being with a woman. When we masturbate, we are training ourselves how to have sex. If you watch porno, and masturbate quickly to the mental stimulation offered by the screen image, of course this will make you less and less sensitive to what it is to spend quality time with a woman.

I would like to advise you to stop all porno. And when practising masturbation, take it to the point where you feel you are coming close to the edge, but not too close, and then stop. Do something else totally different for awhile, like washing dishes, or going for a walk in nature. Then, later, come back to the masturbation, and again stop before ejaculation, and do something else. As you go on practising like this, by and by, your body will be re-trained to take more time.

It will help to do Tantra groups, of course, and work with women in partner exercises, helping to awaken your sensitivity without moving towards a goal. Just being with a woman in a state of pure presence will help a lot. If you have a lot of anger or other strong emotion arising as a result of stopping the porn, then do the Pillow Beating Meditation, (described in my book Tantric Love) or Dynamic Meditation. The energy that has been tied up in porn, needs to find a new way of being expressed. Only by stopping the porn will you be offering the possibility for this new outlet to be discovered.

I hope this will help you. Let me know how it goes.

Loving Regards,

Sarita

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